


The Summer She Died.

by FruitLemonTea



Series: Just Some OC Stuff [1]
Category: Grounded Crew - Fandom, Original Work, TLAU
Genre: Angst, Arla is a police, EVERYONE IS POLICE-, F/F, Icarus is a police, Natasha is a police, Rowan is a police, Sadness, oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitLemonTea/pseuds/FruitLemonTea
Summary: Icarus didn’t have much growing up.//Hello!! So basically this is an OC thing. So. Yup. It’s, gonna be vague. I’ll tell you that. So.
Relationships: Icarus/Arla (Implied), Icarus/Natasha
Series: Just Some OC Stuff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992979
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	1. It Was A Sunday.

Icarus didn’t have much growing up.

She refuses to think about it much, always denying it every chance she gets. Maybe she just didn’t want to think about the truth. Maybe she was just trying to escape the harsh reality. But, she didn’t have much growing up.

Icarus never cared much. Not about any of the people in her life, no. Perhaps because the closest one to her wasn’t the best—in fact, far from it—but, we won’t go in depth with that. To her, cold money and her own benefits were more important than most things. She had a hobby or two, those being taking a medical career and doing something related to military things. She always had a fascination with them. She’s never been strong enough for military, however. (Andsheknew-)

She never thought it would change.

She never thought she would stop being a puppet.

She never thought she would feel so alive.

Icarus never went outside much. She hated outdoors, along with socializing. It’s not that she had any sort of anxiety or problems with social skills, she simply did not find the need to do so, as it is only tiring and pointless to her. Icarus was taught (groomedIcarusyouweregroomedwhyareyoudefendingherwhatareyoudoingstop-) to understand that, whoever she encounters is just a tool, a weapon, and the wielders did not need to care for it. 

But sometimes, in her spare time when she’s not studying or trying to complete homework, she liked to go out to the park and sit on a bench, then read a book. She liked reading as well, only for the simple pleasure of being able to be absorbed in another world, being taken into a sort of wonderland. It was entertaining to her, but nothing else. Nothing more.

(Itissothatshecanescape-)

It was sunny that day. No clouds at all. Birds were chirping, having a whole concert going on- Icarus didn’t mind, of course. She enjoyed the music, nature, and the feeling of the warm sun shining on her face. (Itmakesherfeelalive-) It was a Sunday morning. And, ironically... Icarus is an Atheist¹, yet that day changed her life. For better or for worse, who knows.

Natasha Kostas sort of just bumped into her life like a dream come true.

She was a policewoman in her 20’s, and while walking past, she noticed someone disturbing Icarus. Being the more hot headed and ‘justice’ type of person, she helped Icarus out. (notknowinghowthatisthefirsttime-) She was sort of a social person- not a lot, and Icarus didn’t bother to put on an act. Why did she need to bother doing so with a complete stranger? There is absolutely no point, right? She just didn’t think it would matter much with a random policewoman. 

“Turns out, it was actually better she knew me for me first. It was better that I didn’t lie.”

I didn’t think I’d feel sympathy for anyone.  
I didn’t think I’d feel attraction for anyone.  
I didn’t think I’d feel this much loved, by anyone.

Somehow Natasha broke all of those. They sort of hung out and talked a while together, because apparently she liked the book Icarus was reading. They somehow got in contact. They were friends. Then something more- 

“...Or, that’s what like to think. I don’t know how she feels about me. I knew as clear as the day I met her that, I fell for her.”

Sometimes she’d borrow candles from a college friend, for... practicing, if she ever ask her out. 

“Although that day is... probably never going to come, but hey, having some kind of hope is a nice thing, right? Plus- I wanted my room to smell nice and warm when she come over.”

“I... I used to not do this. I used to like the way my entire apartment was black and white themed. Now it’s just filled with decorations and... I-”

“I... I really wish I could know. How she feels. I’d like to imagine she-“

“Don’t get your hopes up, Icarus.”

...I never got to know.  
She died the summer of [REDACTED] from a disease.

People were surprised when they found out she wanted to become a police, or something related to the department- and a doctor. A police-doctor, pretty useful, huh? Not that unusual for Icarus, the local smart productive kid! “...Who am I kidding, I know why I wanted to be a police.” “It feels as if she’s right here with me if I took this career. It would make her memories vivid. It would make her not drift away.” 

...

So that’s what she did. And it went well. Not really. She² was very much against it, judging her for her hobbies, for everything she’d ever done, for everything and Icarus hated it and-

“-IhateditIhateditthereIHATEHERWHYCAN’TSHEJUST—”

..Anyhow, she sort of... Took the job. The same place she worked in, even though Icarus could go to better places. “But... I.. I just, I wanted to keep her beside me, I didn’t...” She changed everything. Icarus always goes to see her on Sundays, when she’s off from work. It replaced her habit of going to the park. She’d talk on and on about things and how they are for me, but she never told her about her feelings. “Am I a coward? ..Perhaps.” ... Time flies quickly. “..There are new people in the office now. Rowan, was it? I think that’s the name. Arla and Rowan. Both new members. I’m somewhat... Friends with them. Arla has... been, my friend, ...Which is. Great, I suppose. I..” “TheyarenotobjectsIcarustheyarehumanwhycanyoujustnotseethatwhycanyoujustnot-” 

She changed me so much, but she’s not even here for me to tell her about it.

“Sometimes I’d forget she died. It was as if nothing ever changed. Sometimes I just refuse to accept it. Sometimes everything just fades away.”

Her world never had colors until she met her, and she could finally see for once how beautiful it was. She soared in the skies, she flew with great joy. She was the only sunshine Icarus could cling to, she was the only one Icarus really cared for- she taught her so much. She was her sunshine.

Her only sunshine.

“But then I flew too close to the sun, burning myself in the process, gaining scars all over, falling into the sea- struggling and screaming, crying for help, only to finally rest at the bottom of the ocean with a sense of dread.”

“I think I already know. I think I always knew. No, it’s a fact. I knew. I always knew. I just refused to admit it or think about it. I refused to even go to a therapist- I refused to tell anyone. Only the ocean knew my thoughts. It knew.”

It knew Icarus—no. Euphoria Rose Astor died a long time ago; She died along with her Sun.

...

It’s funny how this was what flashed before my eyes when my mind fades into nothingness. It’s funny how I desperately want to see her. It’s funny how I pray to God I see her.

It’s even funnier, because I’m an Atheist. I know. I just- I want to see her.

Natasha.

Please, I want to know how you feel, please, I just... want to see you again.

Natasha-

—  
1\. You go to church on Sundays. Icarus is an Atheist. Irony.  
2\. “She” is referring to Icarus’ mother. Icarus doesn’t call her “mom” for a reason.  
3\. At the start, Icarus had nothing. Then she found the Sun. Then, she flew too close.

4\. Icarus' dialogue throughout the entire thing is her talking to herself. There is nobody specific she talks to. Sometimes she just mumbles, other times she shouts. At what, you may ask? Who knows.


	2. The Sun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Icarus opened her eyes.

Icarus opened her eyes.

She immediately sat up, looking around, confused.

...She’s floating, she’s invisible, she’s still ‘alive’. Somewhat.

Woah.  
Apparently Atheists get to have afterlives too.

Wait, no, that’s not the important thing, Icarus—haha, pretty funny name now that she’s actually flying... wait, no, wrong point! Natasha!

She quickly shot up, flying around her dead body, examining it first. Geez. Bloody. She really should have expected it, that hurt... But it’s worth it, because she’s going to go see Natasha! Right? Yup! All the pain is worth it, everything is, she just needs to see her again- Speaking of which, she looked around the room. There aren’t any other ghosts here... She didn’t see Rowan’s dead body either. She supposed Rowan ran away or something after he killed her. That’s too bad, she was going to thank him.

She shrugged and happily floated around, excited. Natasha Natasha Natasha!! She’s gonna go meet Natasha!!! She immediately phased out of the walls and went to find her. She wanted to see her as quick as possible!-

Icarus tried going to the park they met first. Sadly, though, it was no use, she didn’t find her there. Strange enough, however, she didn’t encounter any other ghosts, despite a police department being nearby. She guessed they didn’t want to stay in a place they died.

..Someone she did meet, is Rowan’s ghost, looming over a bridge, staring into it. She wasn’t sure wether or not she should go up and talk to him, but... They were friends. Even though he killed her, but... He didn’t really act okay. She didn’t know, she- ..Geez. Nat really changed her a lot.

She floated in front of Rowan in an attempt to scare him as a mini revenge, full of energy and smiling. “Heyyy old friend!! So before you get all weirded out, thanks for killing me and stuff, I’ve wanted to see her a long time now-”

“...What.” Rowan seemed startled at first, the normal reaction when the ghost lady friend you killed suddenly came up to you and thanked you for killing her. “I.. I’m sorry. For killing you I mean.” He said after he sort of realized the situation.

“Nahhh nah nah, I said it’s fiiine!! Thank you, goodbye, I’ll go find her nowww-” Aaand she flew off, just like that, not even listening to the rest Rowan has to say.

Next, she tried the police department, since that was Natasha’s job. No use there either. 

She then went on to search all the places they hung out together at. She would pause in front of a place and gaze at it for quite a time with a longing look, then shake her head, as if telling herself-“no, stop, don’t get any hopes up”.

And, finally, she went to Natasha’s apartment. She decided that maybe that would be the place Nat goes to after she died. This is it.

She gently opened the door.

“...Iccy?”

“Nat!!” She bursted in, happy to see her crush, the person she fell for, the person she had wished so desperately to see, the person who changed her life for the better, the person who created her now.

She wanted to tell her so, so much about how she’s thankful, about all the places they could go hang out together, about how she feels.

Her Sun——!

———

——

—

-

...

Her smile froze when she saw Natasha hugging with another person. No, not the friend way. No. It was a passionate way, and she was looking at the person how Icarus looks at Natasha.

No.

No.

Maybe she should’ve realized sooner.

Maybe she should’ve stopped lying to herself.

Maybe she shouldn’t have set up an expectation.

“Iccy! I’m so glad to see you again! By the way, this is...” And the rest is a blur. Icarus didn’t pay attention to what she said. She just stared at the two, still trying to lie to herself.

“...oh, and a couple-”

“Couple?” She suddenly spoke up, alert at the word, not even hearing half the conversation, but she strangely picked that up. She clenched her fist. She didn’t even know why, it was strange. Why should she feel anger? Or, rather, why should she feel anything? She was a nobody. She was just a friend. “You two are couples...?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, but how’d you... ” Natasha seemed confused for a second before she suddenly realized, looking at the other- this- this other stranger, then back at Icarus.

Natasha isn’t an idiot. Icarus knows that. She knows that too well, and she knew Natasha too well to not know when she realized something. She knows that face. She knows Natasha.

“...Iccy?”

There was a long silence while Icarus’ world just melted away into black and white. And the sort of shine on Natasha suddenly disappeared. No, no- it didn’t ‘disappear’, it just never was hers.

“Iccy, I always saw you as a friend-”

No. That’s not it. She didn’t want Natasha to feel guilty. Maybe in the past she would, back when she wasn’t changed, but- but she didn’t. Not anymore. She just wants Nat to be happy, that’s all.

If she’s happy, that’s all that matters.

“Yeah? Well... Of course, we’re beeeest friends, aren’t we? ” She said in an innocent tone of voice, hoping her voice didn’t crack, trying her best to maintain her usual self.

“..oh, sorry, uhH.” And that’s the face of a Natasha who feels awkward because she just misunderstood something. See? She knew Natasha too well. Way too well.

“Well... I gotta go find all my other friends and stuff, y’know! Afterlife stuff, haha- so, um, see you soon, Nat!”

She rushed out the door, unable to stay there any longer. If she still had heartbeats, it would be beating quick. If she could still breathe, her breath would be taken away.

—

And she tried to keep herself calm. She failed. Of course, of course, it’s only logical to assume that Natasha only saw her as a friend, she didn’t even know. She changed her life and she doesn’t even know.

She changed her life.

She was the world to her.

Natasha was Icarus’ sun, yet she flew too close in her daydreaming state, keeping a hopeless wish in her heart.

A hopeless wish that will never be fulfilled.

(The Sun had many stars revolving around it.)

To Natasha, Icarus was a small part of her life. Icarus was just a friend. Icarus was a random person she met who became her best friend. Icarus was just another person, just another star in the universe.

But to Icarus, she was her world. She was the one and only Sun.

(The Sun had many stars revolving around it.)

Helpless, she’s absolutely helpless.

And so she ended up in front of the ocean again.

...  
Except ghosts cannot die. She wished they could.

And once again she sat in front of the ocean, staring. She hated this. She hated it. She hates it. She... She wished she never died, but at the same time, she knows it’s better she did. She knows she should just get kicked out of her stupid fantasy, all her stupid dreams-

All those stupid expectations that set her so high, and made her fell so painfully.

She wondered if there was a cruel God out there controlling this. She wondered if she was being played around with. She wondered why it had to be her.

She wondered why she had to lose her Sun.

(But she knew.)

(You cannot lose what you never had in the first place.)


	3. New Sun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

“...”

She wondered when this would stop.

“...”

When it will end.

“...”

It never will. Ghosts don’t die.

“Hey-”

“Hey, Lieutenant?”

The Sun had many stars revolving around it.

“...”

She’s not one of th-  
“Rwar!! The Great Duck’s return!”

Icarus snapped out of it when a duck suddenly pounced in her face. It phased through her, of course, but it startled her. She wasn’t expecting that at all. She looked up, only to find-

“Arla?” She asked, biting her lips. She couldn’t feel pain though- so that obviously didn’t help her. At all. “Why are you here?” She didn’t feel like talking right now. She just... couldn’t get it out of her head. It’s all just false hope.

“Well... I was just walking around when I saw you at the beach.” Arla replied, sitting down beside her. “Still can’t believe you died. But hey, at least we’re ghost buddies now.”

“..Ghost buddies?” Icarus caught onto that quick, staring at Arla. That’s when she realized that Arla is ‘invisible’- just like her. “You died? When? How?” She asked, concerned for her friend.

“Um... long story short I got killed by some kind of evil monster thing.” Arla laughed awkwardly, probably hoping to it would lighten the mood more. It didn’t.

Icarus was confused by what she meant. “..Evil... monster.. thing?” That sounds like something out of a story. She wanted to believe her friend, of course, but...

“Yeahhh I know right.” Arla shrugged. “Anyways. I brought your panda plushie.” She said, making the plushie levitate and moving its arms around. “I’m evil panda! I shall conquer the world!” She said, trying to imitate Icarus’ voice. “Muahahahaha!”

“No, I don’t..” Her words just faded away as she suddenly had a feeling of nostalgia. This scene was so familiar to her.

When in her life did she stop enjoying herself?

Oh, right. After Natasha died.

...

“Yeah? Iccy? Lieutenaaant?” Arla waved the duck plushie in front of her. “If you don’t want to, we don’t...”

“No! No, um.” It’s been a while since she stumbled over herself like this. It’s been a long while. “...Sure. Like the old times.”

Arla’s face immediately lit up. “Yeah! Like the old times!”

Ever since Natasha died, Icarus hasn’t been herself. She could obviously tell. She was her friend, of course she would know. It may or may not also be her- feelings- that she tries desperately to hide whenever Icarus looks her direction and smiles.

Arla always liked Icarus’ smile. When it was genuine, obviously, and not the fake smile she puts on all the time. Arla knew about Icarus and her acting. She was always worried, but never asked. That’s probably how Natasha Kostas took the chance and did it before her.

Is she a coward? ..Perhaps.¹

But Arla couldn’t deny that her smile is brighter than the Sun. And for that, she’s willing to just stay here, by her side, even without return.

...

Icarus tried to mimic how Arla made the plushie levitate. “How do you move this thing again?”

“Oh, that’s pretty easy, I took a while to figure it out. You just gotta...” Arla looked up at Icarus the same time Icarus looked up at her.

Something sparked between them. A flash of light.

It was hope.

1\. In chapter one when Icarus said the same thing.  
2\. I gave them a happy ending despite saying I’m making angst. No, before you say anything, nobody changed my mind. I planned it from the very beginning. ;D


End file.
